Happy Birthday Uno!
by bipping
Summary: Hot Gendo Ikari x Grisha Jaeger action by me and uno, uploaded so me and connie could do a dramatic reading for uno's birthday.


**Grisha knocked on the large, metallic door that led to NERV headquarters, a bit anxious, though he wan't sure why. A voice began to speak through the intercom. It was Gendo's voice.**

"Doctor Jaeger," it boomed, albiet slightly static. "if you could wait a few moments, I'll be right with you. I'm just finishing a meeting." But Gendo was lying. He wasn't finishing a meeting. He was slicking back his hair. Then he polished his glasses and tried to get comfortable in his usual weird-ass hand resting postion. He pressed the intercom again, and said, "Enter!" like a God (which he was), before pushing a few buttons so the door could open.

**The volume of the sudden voice startled Grisha a bit. Not that he wasn't expecting it, of course. The sound of Gendo Ikari's voice always just seemed to… catch him off guard, perhaps? Why was it that Gendo evoked this strange feeling in him?**

**Dr. Jaeger was pondering over this when suddenly the door in front of him slid open. Taking a deep breath, he stepped inside and the doors shut behind him with a few more motions from Mr. Ikari's hand.**

**"Good evening, Gendo," he said to the man, his back still turned towards a large monitor.**

Gendo mentally fistpumped at the idea of how cool and swaggie he probably looked right now. Not that he didn't always look pimped up and swaggie, he just probably looked more so than usual. "Evening, Jaeger," he replied, before spinning around in his fancy chair. "I suppose you're wondering why I've called you here."

**Mr. Jaeger looked at him for a moment, still feeling tense. He just couldn't seem to shake the damn feeling.**

**'I probably look hella flustered,' he thought to himself. Ikari looked even handsomer than usual today.**

**"Eh- yes. What was it you wanted from me, Ikari?" he asked quizically.**

He cleared his throat for a second, before narrowing his gaze at Grisha. Dang, Grisha looked fine. No homo. Gendo wanted to tap that ass. No homo. But, this had nothing to do with Gendo's objective for that evening. "Jaeger," he began, "there are two things I need from you today. One relates toe the EVA Project. The other is more important. Sit down, Grisha," he motioned to the chair in front of his desk.

**"Ah, the EVA project." Grisha repeated as he sat down.**

**"Speaking of which, how is your son doing nowadays? I haven't seen him in what must be months now." Speaking those words made Grisha think of his own son, Eren, and how much ass he was probably kicking without his help. His son was at least 10x more swag than he was, and that was something that haunted the doctor every day.**

Gendo shuddered at the mention of his son, who was a huge fucking nerd. "We're not here to discuss my son," he stated coldly. He most definitely did not want to talk about that pussy ass bitch or his gay white haired anime boyfriend or the pianos they played because all of that was hella gay, something Gendo Ikari was not. I mean, yeah, Gendo had sucked a couple dicks, but he said no homo, because he, Gendo Ikari, was not gay. "We're here for something much bigger than even the EVA Project."

**"Ah… my apologies, then," Grisha said, flustered. What if he had just ruined the entire conversation right there? Not wanting his friend to feel angry or uncomfortable, he quickly asked what the aforementioned business was about.**

Making sure that his face was blank, and that his eyes were locked on Grisha's, meeting his heart-stopping gaze (no homo), Gendo said, "Grisha, before we get on to the topic of said project, I need you to explain the plot of Homestuck to me."

**Grisha's face grew pale. He though he was fully prepared to deal with any business Gendo needed him to take care of, but this was far too much, even for him. He considered bolting out of the room right there. What would he do if Gendo found out all of his secret, gay otps? DaveJohn was the most kawaii, precious ship of them all, but he didn't want anybody to know he thought that. **

**'No," Grisha thought. 'I can't let Gendo down.' He took a deep breath.**

**"A young man stood in his bedroom.." he began. He talked until the sun went down and reappeared again in the sky the next morning.**

Gendo nodded throughout Grisha's speech. There were points when he felt like he was going to fall asleep but he pushed onwards and pulled through it. He didn't mind, after all, it was Grisha's beautiful voice he was listening to (no homo). He pushed his glasses further up his nose as Grisha's exxplanation came to an end. "Yes..." he muttered. "It all makes sense now..."

**When Grisha finally finished his long drabble, he realized what time it was, and just how long he had been talking.**

**"Hot diggity darn," he said in a now hoarse and sore voice. He began to feel rather sleepy after such an exhausting speech.**

**"I'm just glad… I could help you understand Homestuck," he whispered and he leaned back in his chair, about to fall asleep at any moment.**

It was clear that Grisha was about to fall asleep, but Gendo didn't know if he could let him (they still had to discuss the matter of the Sixth Child, Hajime Hinata, who was struggling to adapt to life as a EVA pilot). Grisha looked so exhausted though, that Gendo couldn't bring himself to say anything more on the matter. "Would you like to take a break before our meeting continues?" he asked. "Maybe get something to eat? Sleep? Piss? We have been in these chairs for more than a day, after all." That and Gendo had almost pissed himself on several different occasions.

**Jolting himself awake again, Grisha shook his head firmly at his friend, insisting he didn't need a break, but that maybe some coffee would be nice. He didn't want to dare inconvenience Ikari if he didn't have to. He didn't want his friend to think unswaggily of him.**

Gendo nodded, and asked that one old dude who said "sweet jesus its an anti at field" to go get Grisha some coffee (that dude had been standingin the corner this entire time and hadn't moved or said anything), which he did. While he was gone, Gendo rose to his feet, walked around behind his desk to stretch his legs, and then walked over to the nearest window. He began to gaze out of it meaningfully. "So, onto our next matter of business; Hinata Hajime."

**"The sixth child you said he was?" Grisha asked while sipping his coffee. The "sweet jesus it's an anti-at field" guy had since collapsed onto the floor from exhaustion. He had been standing now for over 26 hours.**

**"What is it about being an EVA pilot that he's having trouble adapting to?" That should've been obvious, but he asked the question anyways. Everyone knew Hinata was a professional air-guitarist, and was known to try fighting the angel-titans through the power o L. It's never worked before, not once, but nobody could convince him otherwise.**

"He won't use conventional weapons," Gendo explained, turning away from the window and walking back to his desk, certain that Grisha already knew the information he was now telling him. He took a moment to prod the "sweet jesus it's an anti-at field" guy with his foot and check he was still alive. Fortunately for Gendo, he was; good help was just so hard to clone this days. "Whenever we try to get him to fight angel's he just points at them and screams things like "you've got that wrong!" I mean, who the fuck is he even talking to? The angels? They don't speak Japanese! Us? What have we got wrong?" He took a second to mumble, "Casting him as the Sixth Child was what we got wrong." He brought his (no homo) gaze to meet Grisha's once again. "On top of that, there are only so many white haired gay boys I can take being in this institute, and one of them follows Hinata around and won't leave and it's driving me crazy. Doctor, I think you need to give Hinata something. Something that will make him... less of a Dangan Ronpa character and more of an Evangelion character. I'd suggest casting Megumi Ogata as his voice actor, but I'm pretty sure she's already half of the DR cast..." Gendo broke his meaningful (but still no homo) eye contact with Grisha, and turned, in order to watch the Fourth Wall come crashing down. "I just don't know what to do..."

**Grisha listened, keeping a hand on his chin and nodding occasionally to show he was listening. This kid sure sounded like more of a rabble-rouser than the doctor had initially estimated him to be. Damn protags.**

**"I'm not sure how much I can do for you, Ikari," he said grimly. Grisha turned to the briefcase he had carried into the small office, and began to examine its contents. Among them were Protag Pills for making a person feel like they're more important by bossting confidence, Shonen Shots to up adrenaline levels and make people act more instinctively, and Ahoge Appliers to add that one weird-ass piece of hair that makes a person stand out.**

**At the very back of the briefcase is what the doctor was after, however. The Character Cutters. He took the small pair of scissors out of the case and placed them in Gendo's hand.**

**"Ikari," Grisha said with a very serious tone. "We'll have to remove his ahoge. I'm afraid it's the only way."**

This was not the solution Gendo had been hoping for. He removed his glasses and ran his thumbs along the lense, polishing them with his multipurpose white gloves. "If that's the only thing we can do, Doctor, then we'll have to do it. I can't take any more risks. I'm running out of spare Rei's - I mean ways. I'm running out of spare ways to fight these angel-titans. I'm not cloning my dead wife to make a small emotionless child; that's a stupid idea. Hinata is the only one capable of piloting at the moment, and we'll have to take this step... I wish there was some other way, but this is a time to make sacrifices."


End file.
